Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear

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1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.
He that dearth is not made perfect in love.

John 14:1
Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

• A few years back I found myself in a life or death situation aiding my mother to bring my dad out of a diabetic reaction. This was a bad one, unlike other occasional ones. As my dad was unconscious, I was beckoning him to keep breathing. I'd shake his chest and talk to him. Please breath. Daddy please breath. My mom was quickly putting a glucagon shot together. She called in from the bathroom, "Kylie, you keep breathing too!" She could tell that my breath was shallow and sporadic. She was right. I was getting dizzy, nearly passing out. I had helped in many emergency situations before and had followed my mom's example of naturally being cool, calm, and collected. We had many injuries in our family. Random ones. Mom was always perfect at calmly taking care of things. I had her example to follow. Yet here I was, not realizing it in the moment, panicking. When things were stable with my dad I laid in my bed attempting to regain strength of body and mind again. Ever since that late night all my fears of sickness and death for other people began to pile up. Dad had diabetes. Grandma had debilitating arthritis. She could hardly move without pain for 40 years. Aunt Karen died from diabetes related issues. Dad's best friend, down the street died too. Prostrate cancer. Breast cancer. Heart attack. Kidney failure. Dialysis. Heart surgery. Infant loss. Undiagnosed chronic pain and sickness. Liver failure. The list goes on and on. My fear of any bodily weakness in other people became a big deal.

  
  

  As a new mom I tried my very best to keep my baby boy healthy. While I was two months pregnant (and very sick) little Sam nearly stopped breathing in the night from an intense onset of croup. He was not even sick when he went to bed and then with in twenty minutes he was gasping for any breath he could get. To the ER we went. I was terrified. After treatment we sleepily came back home. I felt like anything could go wrong at any minute. A few months later the same thing happened again. And then two weeks after giving birth to Eliza, croup came... again. Zach went to the ER while I stayed home with our two week old. We were living in my parents basement and my mom came down to help calm me down. The anxiety was overbearing. I had to just keep breathing. After this third time I just knew I didn't want to keep living with this fear. I needed to repent. I wanted to be at one with God's  fearless love, rather than remain captive in this body wrenching fear. In the moment of anything that triggered my fear I could not logically talk myself out of feeling that way. The feelings were not logical or organized, but seemed to have a life of their own as they seemed to "control me" and keep me captive. They needed to go. I decided to let God's love heal me. I decided to open my vulnerable heart to Him. To trust Him.

  
  

  Just as we pulled up to a family get together in Salt Lake, Sam started showing signs of fast onset croup. The fear began to take over. I stayed in the car as everyone went inside. But this time I just witnessed the fear. And didn't identify with it.  I saw the fear and then I saw the real, fearless, Kylie. The part of me that is so trusting in a loving God who tailors every experience for my happiness and progression. And I chose to identify with her. I said over and over "I am love, I am love" and I consciously allowed my whole, vulnerable being open to Gods love. I didn't know how to get the fear to go away but I could tell that it was not who I am and therefore I no longer wanted to identify with it, and I could open myself up to Gods love. And in that crucial moment I began to feel a real power, a tangible calm feeling flow throughout my body until it was consumed in loving light. This experience was so delicate that at any moment I could still take the fear back in, if I chose to let it be animated in my body. I could sense that the fear was around me, but not within me. The serene peace that filled me felt clear and real. I felt overwhelmed with love to care for my child and do whatever needed to be done. I was amazed and illuminated with how just opening myself to Gods love could push out the debilitating fear within. All that was required was an open-ness, a willingness.

I was so filled with this love/power that I asked God if it would be okay to send it to my son who was getting sick quickly.  I had prayed before that God would help my Sam heal from the croup but this prayer felt different. This time I felt calm. The outcome didn't matter, we could go to the ER again or he could be healed. Either way I felt guided and protected with God's love. I asked that this love/power within me be sent to Sam and let it heal him and calm him. I remained in this peaceful prayer for a few minutes and then went inside to find a little boy no longer with any signs of croup.

After this experience (and Eliza's birth experience)  with the power of love I really began to see that there was something absolutely amazing that is accessible to anyone at anytime to  overcome all things through Christ.  The effects of the fall can be removed here, now, as we willingly open to him and let him give what is needed. It's letting His will and power flow through us. And the only way he can let this happen us if are really willing and open to Him. Outward circumstances may not change, but our inner landscape can be filled with His peace, if we are willing to let go of the fear. (Or whatever is holding us back from His presence.)

Now as I write this, one year from the first croup attack, and six years from that night with my dad, I can say that God has helped me remove my once so deeply, engrained fear of sickness, calamity, and death. And He did so the instant I was willing to let go of it, and trust Him. Every day it gets better. Last week Sam had yet our fourth quick onset, sever croup attacks and guess what I was so calm and clear during the ordeal. This time it was the worst of all. He had to have three breathing treatments instead of one. He nearly was admitted to the hospital. But I didn't let the fear in. Instead I connected to the source of love. No I am not immune to the influence of fear. It always tries to knock on my door, but I heed it not and stay open and connected to Jesus. And His peace "passeth all understanding." We need not fear anything, for Christ has overcome the world. He has overcome the effects of the fall and therefore through at one ment with Him, His peace, His love, His life, His power can flow into us and become our experience and blessing.
It doesn't matter what we will experience here on this earth, as long as we are connected to He who overcame all fear.